Alliances, friendships, acquaintances; all are better than enemies. An enemy serves no purpose beyond you learning tolerance maybe. To be fair I can think of many really great ways to learn tolerance that do not involve enemies.

We have to make choices for ourselves. Choices that involve us forgiving when we do not necessarily want to. Or looking beyond someone’s stupid, even tragic, mistakes. It means ignoring the wrong someone has done against us, or helping those who have walked right on past us when were helpless.

I have had to do this so often. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I have been used, forgotten, hated, wronged, made fun of, assaulted, stolen from… the list goes on and on. But so does yours. Say it isn’t true.

People wrong us. It happens. When it is bad enough that it causes trauma, then by all means, stay away from them. Do not allow someone else’s actions dictate your level of happiness, not now, not ever. Keeping social distance is different then hatred, btw. It means that if you see them in the grocery store they are just like everyone else, a nod and a smile and never even stop moving. Just enough to let them know that your over it, you have moved on and that you just want them to live their life without causing any more pain.

Our cause as LGBT people becomes harder with every enemy formed. When one gay person does something wrong against someone outside the community we all pay for it, every LGBT person. My actions have affected every one of you and yours have affected others elsewhere. You know, the whole butterfly effect. 

We need to be bridge builders and relationship warriors. I forgive so many things because I have so much to be forgiven for! Do not think your different. The wrongs may be different, but the hurt caused is just as real.

We all need one another’s love, not hate.

Who are you allowing to eat you up? Don’t you think its time to let it go, not for them, for you.

With Love
Jeff Utnage