What do you do if you are unhappy with yourself?

I hear people all the time who are unhappy with their lives in many ways. It is sad to witness. They are unhappy about their jobs, weight, marriages, cars, appetites, body image, status, etc. and the one thing I consistently ask myself is “What are you doing about it?”.


I don’t ask out that loud though, it is the type of question that can cause defensiveness and I get that. Instead, I am going to challenge anyone who reads this and has unhappiness in their lives to do something about their unhappiness. I won’t just leave things there though, I have some advice for you, some potential help that you can do that will help you take control of your life and your happiness. Are you up for the challenge?


I know where you’re coming from!

I know where you are coming from. 11 years ago I was 310 pounds, had a goatee and wore flannel shirts and black boots that were too large for my feet. I was unhappy with my life in nearly every way imaginable. I was unhappy with my gender, my weight, my body image, my clothes, my income, my job, education…everything. There was this giant part of me that felt that my life wasn’t anything I wanted it to be and I just didn’t see any alternatives at that point.


Then I went to prison

Then I went to prison. I don’t want anyone else to have to go to prison to get a wake up call and learn to take some control of their life back. That’s what this is all about.  There are things you can do right this minute that will lead to better outcomes and happiness. We do not need to hit rock bottom to figure it out. Our lives do not have to be dismantled and in disarray to start doing something about our situation. That’s what I learned in prison.


So what do you do?

Try some or all of the following:

Understand WHAT is making you unhappy. Is it your body? Job? Gender? Sexuality? Pay? Status? etc. Is it some combination of all of these things?

Then assign a percentage to each one. Let’s say your unhappiness totals 100% and you are unhappy with your body, your job and your income. So then we assign each a percentage totaling 100% (this is just an example, you will need to adapt this to your own unique situation)


Body: 50%


Income: 25%

total: 100%

Now that we have an idea of what is making us unhappy, we make a plan to address one of them or all of them. Start by understanding how others solved this problem. If its weight, then set a small goal to lose a small amount of weight, like 2-3 pounds for 2-3 weeks. Something like 1-pound per week and make small changes. Then in a few weeks reevaluate your progress.


This is just one way to address your unhappiness. The real advice here is don’t just sit on it hoping that something will come along and magically change your situation. It’s not a person or a thing that is going to make you happy, it’s you. If you are unhappy with yourself than it is difficult to find that happiness source outside of yourself that is going to help long-term.


If you would like to have a deeper, more personal discussion on this, reach out to me:




I’d be honored to help.



With Love

Ruth Utnage