One day, in my heart of hearts, I know I am going to see my Creator, I just happen to call Them Jesus. When I see Them…I’m gonna punch that ole’ coot right square in the jaw.

For thinking I’m strong enough to handle what I am going through. For knowing I was gonna be attracted to men and created me anyways. For knowing that my gender identity was going to be a constant source of turmoil, then placing me in a family where there is only one person who even tries to understand. I can’t tell if that’s a Nebraska thing or a testament to just how ridiculous the notion of blood family and loyalty is.

I cannot deny the existence of a Creator, I would be betraying what I have perceived to be true. But that don’t mean I have to always like Them. I have an eternity to be all “let’s frolic in the stardust together” but that initial meeting…it’s on. Like Jacob, who wrestled with God by the river and when he wouldn’t stop fighting, God had to bring pain to his hip. LOL! Yup, that’s gonna be me.

Guess we all have our good days and our bad days. I wonder if God made me on Their bad day?

Side Note: I used the pronouns They/Them/Their to describe God, I do this because if we are made in the image of God, then They made all genders and their variations. I hate to present that in a bi conditional statement, but at least one may understand how I think about it.

With Love
Jeff Jeffebelle Utnage