It is you who judges me?
Lo, it was you whom pulled the trigger of the gun who’s bullet did graze my field
Small child, knees bent into my chest wondering what it was I did that wronged thee

Thou who judgeth me
You have not seen what I have survived
The trenches I have been at the bottom of
Tell me, how many times were you in that trench with me
…how many times was it you who pinned me down into it forcing me to survive?

It is you who judges me?
Was there not a time when ghosts did haunt your mind into paranoia and despair
Gunshots into trees and shadow men behind barn walls
Shotguns into the air on the weekends and ghost rides into the night
Crystals dripping from all of your noses, eyes wild with fraught whilst yet another light bulb gets demolished

Whom doest thou judge?
Rats climbing into rooms repurposed for trash
Trips into places that are no longer
Worshipper of an Almighty today and tomorrow a hellion
Shall I follow in any of your footsteps?
Thoust are worthy to judge?

It surely isn’t I because most of that time I hid behind a mirror.
Afraid while some mad beguiling figure shouted obscenities into the reflection yet again

You know not what I have come out of…
I do

You know not what I am capable of…
I do

For you have never really met me
I have

With Love
Ruth Utnage