The worst pain my people feel are from the tongues of their Christian mothers. Christianity, in all its hypocrisy, is this perverted force that tells a mother it’s okay to separate from her child. All in the name of what’s “right” while ignoring the trauma being caused.

Lesbian daughters, gay sons, gender benders, trans folk and queers everywhere know exactly what I’m talking about.

I guess I should say thank you to Christian mothers because without their traumatic “love” there would be no need for trans-moms, of which I am one of many. Having trans daughters and sons has been one of the most beautiful experiences I have ever been blessed with. How anyone could shut out someone so wonderful as my trans children is beyond my understanding.

So many nights I have helped a traumatized queer body compose a letter to their Christian mother attempting to heal from being cast away in the name of Jesus. Begging their Christian mother to reconsider or sometimes to say “I forgive you for this and when you’re ready to love me, I’ll be here to say it back, and mean it”. Those moments are so full of hope and healing but they are a double-edged sword because no one should ever have to compose such a letter. No one.

My Christian mother loves me as long as I’m straight, normal, and hate the same people they do in the name of Christian love. They can keep that love, I want no part of it because I’ve experienced real love, unwavering love from a Mother who chose me, and is Christian as well.

They can keep their “I’m praying for you” and “I’m doing this because I love you” and “My hands are tied”. They can keep their excuses and their high and mighty versus they repeat to brainwash themselves that traumatizing another human being is okay to do. Believe me, I know all about that. I’ve had to face a version of myself that I happily laid to rest.

In the end when all is said and done and some lovely queer body must reconcile judgment from their own natural family and head out into the great unknown to find a chosen family who loves them, us trans-moms will be here with open arms. Having healed from our own trauma. Having owned the trauma we have caused. Having learned and felt what it means to love in reality and understand the joy of accepting someone as they are, even if that someone is a Christian mother who chose to hate instead of love.

That’s the thing about us queer bodies, we forgive, and not the fake kind of forgiveness Christianity teaches, but the real kind. The kind that says, I’m here still and your past is not a factor, let’s move on together.

We still love you. The inbox is always open…

With Love
Ruth Utnage
(For interviews or media inquiries please contact me directly!)

Ruth Utnage fka jeff 823469 C-510-2
PO Box 888
Monroe, WA. 98272

or via Jpay email service (you have to use my birth name, but, please do not call me by it, my new legal name is Ruth)

Jeff Utnage