One of the guys here, who says he is straight, is obsessed (his word, not mine), with one of the trans girls here. So he has become apart of our eccentric little community. One day he makes a comment that as a whole, he is surprised at how much we talk about sex. 

I was a little offended and corrected him. But he made a solid point to me, as a gay man, my homosexual identity revolves around sex. Homosexual people do everything the same as heterosexual people. Maybe we can own a few stereotypes that are more or less gay in nature, like men wearing nail polish. 

He pointed this out and I didn’t know why that bothered me so much. Maybe it was his delivery, it was more of an accusation than a plain statement. Maybe it was because I didn’t notice that we really do talk about sex a lot. 

I know that as a gay man my gay identity doesn’t revolve around sex. I have given this much thought. When I had my beard on and was pretending to be a straight man I loved certain things that most straight men did not. Like dance, or drag, or androgyny, or walking in heels because I got a killer runway walk (and believe me, I practiced well into my twenties), or musicals, or gossiping, or talking about good looking men. All of which is not gay in and of themselves, but combined, for me anyway, is my personal reality. Those were all the things I couldn’t do as a straight man that I feel empowered to do now as a gay man. 

Our identity as LGBT people is so much more then sex. Our culture isn’t bath houses, crystal meth, and prostitution. Its emotions, its thought freedom, its a sense of expression. Its being who we want to be without the constraints of a predefined gender box. If your a boy you do this, if your a girl you only do that. NO! Girls can box, boys can wear dresses. Girls can rule, boys can dance in tights. Girls can go without makeup and still be stunningly gorgeous, boys can wear makeup and still be stunningly gorgeous.

Our culture is one that embodies freedom of expression. We can define it all we want. But its ours.

With Love
Jeff Utnage