Misadventures Of P.:

Who is P? P, is a friend of mine in here and to protect what is left of his modesty and pride I will not give his name. How do I describe him? Well, he is kinda out there. He’s pretty flamboyant, has a very outgoing personality. At first he seems to be a very genuine person. He says things like “I like you, and I want to be in a relationship” blah blah blah. Kinda weird if you ask me. But I try not to judge.

let’s back up. Last summer on our second meeting with friends ( I had just met him), I seen that he was attempting to date two seperate men and was claiming that it was all just a misunderstanding. So I told him what I thought right then and there. I told him that first of all, me and him would never be. So he needed to get that out of his head (OMG people, if you have any idea what a breakthrough that is for someone with my self-esteem you’d be clapping right now!) and secondly that he needed to stop playing games with other people. 

It was apperant that P had some sort of emotional problems, but who doesn’t? I didn’t want to outcast him for being the typical gay player. I didn’t want to get caught up with him either. So I told him that I would stick by his side no matter the garbage he was causing. That he would have a friend in me, someone who doesn’t want to have sex with him, just friends. All he had to do was show me him, not the fake retard that everyone else gets, just him…whoever, whatever that may be.

We didn’t talk for 6 months after that. So here we are almost a year later and we are friends of sorts. I have been trying to stick with him through all his drama, but it’s so hard. Just recently I had three men all telling me on seperate occasions how they are dating P. In my head i’m like what? Are you dumb or just blind because just ten minutes ago he was all over so and so! What the hell? I try to mentor him when he wants it, let him know what is going on behind the scenes and that he is not slick about his games. In fact I let him know how pathetic it is and in some cases just flat out mean.

I am frequently regarged as Bebe. If you have ever heard the term “Bebe’s kids” you know that’s not necessarily a term of endearment. I got bunch of bad kids running around here getting into all sorts of trouble and P seems to be my biggest thorn. My headache that I lay awake at night thinking about how to correct his stupid actions. I think about what he is doing in his mind, how he’s justifying his actions and motivations. What a mess.

I know that I can’t help everyone, or maybe anyone at all. But what I don’t want to do is leave him isolated and alone. Because what is about to happen is his “boyfriends” are about to discover his games and he is going to be without a friend again. I don’t want to leave him in that position because that is when he attempts to use drugs to cover the self-pity he feels when he is alone. Perhaps he can avoid a derailment if someone is there to coach him through this approaching storm?

Am I just foolish to try? Should I even attempt to help? Everyone is telling me to leave this alone. But you know what, someone told those who helped me to just let me suffer in my own misery. I am so glad that someone extended a hand. 

Until it’s impossible I am going to help those who need and want it. Any suggestions?

With Love, Your Brother In Chains

Jeff Utnage

as always, feel free to write. addresses in previous posts