Defining Gay: Continued

I felt the need to add a few things to my previous post. It felt a little incomplete. Just so that all of you understand, I get 20 minutes at a time on this kiosk and if I dont send my email draft before that 20 minutes is up, I lose it and have to do it all over again. 

No complaints, still happy to have it. The alternative is no communication. So thank God for this. 

I spent so much time trying to figure out how to ‘be gay’ that I figured out that a specific type just doesn’t exist. We are as different from one another as any other grouping of people. I do hold the particular belief that we are genetically disposed to be homo-sexual, this denotes a “culture” of people. This is something I believe to be true. Perhaps I simply need that to be true to feel justified in whatever my quest here is. I am at least willing to admit that I might have some selfish ambition here to simply find and define myself and I need to be apart of a bigger groupd of people. 

Then again, I dont really want that, I just simply want to live. There is always two sides to every coin, admittedly. In this instance, I choose to say that it’s entirely possible that I believe and want both. Perhaps I simply don’t know. This is what I do know, I know that I have my own set of rules and morals. I believe in the sanctity of marraige and monogamy. I believe that I should be held accountable for when I do something wrong, but believe whole-heartedly that I shouldn’t be doing anything wrong in the first place. I don’t agree with everything every gay person says and don’t believe that all of our political views are the same. For instance, I know that Israel has been just slammed but many LGBTQ groups, but, because of my religious viewpoint, it’s impossible for me to agree with them. Ole Netenyahu may hate homo-sexuals, but I am not allowed to hate him in return, so I don’t.

I have just kind of settled into my own particular lane when it comes to me being gay. I hope that others feel similar, but doubt it sincerely. If they do feel the same, they remain quiet and hidden from my reach. For whatever reason. I do often find those wh are broken-hearted and have low self-esteem. Those who think that their value is in their sexual prowess. I am not sure that they come around because I hold myself to a standard or if I am a project for them to conquer. The latter seems to be the dominant answer.

I compare my own battles with the woman’s rights movement that have developed since the 40’s. Women were predominately looked at as only good for a particular set of tasks. Enter in your own definitions here. They too had to face men who only hired them for one reason. They to had to deal with sluts in the work place who used their bodies disgracefully to gain favor. Thus leaving the competent ones to fend for a lesser job because they had standards. 

In fact, just recently I watched a news caster do a test on wall street, she posed as a provacatively dressed, well underqualified candidate and more often then not, she was given an interview. Its the same with us in here in this prison. Only the ‘sluts’ need serious help, they are in danger of being used even further and my self-given task is to provide aid to them. They shouldn’t feel that way about themselves to only think they are good only for sex and usery.

I hope to “define” homosexuality soon. We deserve a good model. Know of any