Why Is Coming Out Important? Continued…

Coming out to your loved ones and friends is complicated and no one should do it unless they are ready to. Our personal sexuality is sensitive and highly private. It’s affected by so many outside influences, our parents views, our church’s views, our community view points and so many more. I get that this is extremely complicated.
But, for those that are ready, they know it’s time. It’s a very freeing thing to do. It also allows those around you the freedom to accept you for you. We don’t give acceptance a chance sometimes. I am often completely surprised when someone that I was just positive is going to hate me doesn’t. All I had to do was be me and the true and honest me at that. Most people accept that person.
I will come back to the prison setting for a minute. There are “hardened gangsters” in here. They walk the yard as tough, macho men who flex with there shirts off and talk about faggots and why they are a plague to mankind. But at night time, in the cell, some off those same tough guys are begging to get topped. This is just a fact of life. They are confused by themselves. When they decide to say the words I am gay (or bi or whatever), when they are at least honest that they like men too, they are often mortified of the judgements of their supposed peers. They want and need to be seen as the fear inducing tough guy that they fear inside.
It sucks when a man is closeted. He is torn between two worlds and it takes a toll on him psychologically. With no one to talk to and no one to confide in life gets crappy real quick. Especially when you don’t know how to process the information that your heart is giving you. Like, when your brain wants (or thinks it wants) women, but you fantasize about men. What does that mean? Does that mean that your gay? If you ask one of your straight buddies, of course it means you are gay. But psychologically it may not mean that at all. In all truth it may just mean that you are a little curious and between you and me, that’s pretty normal. Gay is wanting to have a romantic and emotional relationship with the same sex. You don’t necessarily find the opposite sex repulsive, but, having an intimate relationship with the opposite sex would be miserable. A feeling I know all to well. In fact, I was married for 11 years. 11 long, frustrating years. 11 long, confusing years. The whole time I was convinced I was not gay, after all, I was married with children. But I couldn’t produce an orgasm unless in my mind, I was having sex with a man. I know, for many that is inconceivable, but for me that was life. Thank GOD it isn’t like that anymore.
But this is why being honest with yourself is important. Living a double life, one group of friends knows the straight person, while the other only knows the gay side. What if they meet and my secret comes out, what will they think then. All that trauma is avoidable. Coming out can be difficult, but it will be the best thing you ever did once you are surrounded with those who truly love you. After all, how can someone love you when they don’t even know “you”.
Know that I support you, for whatever small token it’s worth. I love ya! Can’t wait to meet ya and hope that someday we can sit down and just be as queenish as humanly possible, and why? Because B***H! We can! 🙂 LOL

With Love,

Jeff Utnage 823469
Stafford Creek Correction Center
191 Constantine Way
Aberdeen, WA 98520


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