I could spend my days
wishing
that I didn’t have to see youanymore.
Pretend that I don’t come home
excited
to be in the same room,
still,
I get butterflies.
I could pretend that’s not true.
Business as usual,
Par for the course,
Cost of being me is
falling
in love with my
work
and I pretend that I
hate
that my work
is
you.

I know that we have
feelings
that are new and
strange,
being us isn’t
easy.
Queer
to trans,
a semblance of
normal,
just to be queer once more.
How
maddening it is.

Pretend,
just for a few minutes,
that
this could work.
That
when you see me
I am not hope for your
future
with someone else.
Pretend
it’s
me.
And I’ll pretend to not
love
my work.
And
we’ll pretend to
not
objectify one another.
Just
for
pretend.

——

With Love
Ruth Utnage
(For interviews or media inquiries please contact me directly!)

Ruth Utnage fka jeff 823469 C-510-2
MCC-TRU
PO Box 888
Monroe, WA. 98272

or via Jpay email service (you have to use my birth name, but, please do not call me by it, my new legal name is Ruth)

Jeff Utnage
823469